I don't know where I'm headed. when I first came to Waco, I was questioning every move I had made up until starting grad school. I was so sure I was in the Lord's will and following his direction and then the floor is blown up from underneath me and I felt I was barely hanging onto the edge of a giant canyon. I was confused and hurt and angry and bitter and lost. I just felt lost.
...
yet, I am feeling the love of Jesus. He makes himself REACHABLE, TOUCHABLE. He notices me! He hears me! I am learning His love. His great, unfathomable love that I was convinced had passed me over. I am learning what grace is. what mercy is. what forgiveness is. my pain is paving the path of my life and I am simply putting one foot in front of the other. what is this peace that I feel? such a numb heart with a slowly healing, gaping wound. seven months ago, I hated. today, I find joy and peace and rest in forgiveness? in faith and hope? what a bizarre moment I am in at this place in my journey. there are major things I am to accomplish for the kingdom of God and I am yearning for the Holy Spirit's whispered guidance as intently as I can.
maybe I should have written three separate posts. this is so jumbled and I can hardly understand myself. but somehow it all melds together...
I spent this morning hanging out with Waco's homeless population; Project Homeless Connect offered services and education and health screenings to those that are homeless. I feel so encouraged and humbled and thrilled at the experience I had today. not necessarily because I volunteered my time to help others, but really because of Edwin. this 62 year old man spent an hour and a half of his time with me and had me smiling for the rest of the day. what a kind heart and a gentle spirit! at one point, he looked at me and asked, "why are you doing this? is it because of your spirituality?" at first I was stunned, I hadn't really expected this question (plus, it was 8am). and then I thought for second about why I really was at the convention center. then I told him, "well I guess, yes. Jesus did this." Edwin smiled and all he said was, "oh yes. He told us to go out and be with the least of them." God you are here! throughout the morning I was so content getting to know all of these interesting people around me and serving them. not only those that are homeless, but my peers and fellow volunteers as well. what an incredibly humbling experience and an educative opportunity to expand my knowledge of how I can best serve those around me.
I am learning to love.
